Saturday, 2 January 2010

New Years/New Purge

2 days into the New Year and I'm literally buzzing.

I feel excited and positive about the year ahead...I want this to year be different and better than the last and will do everything in my power to take control of my life and not let life control me. I'm going to make decisions and stick to them. The bane of my life has always been my inability to stick by decisions I've made. I'm sick of always questioning myself. It drives me insane. It is going to stop now.

I've started running and really enjoy it. It clears my head, body and lungs for an hour each day.

It's also the first Blue On Blue gig next week. I'm very excited. I have a set idea of what the live show is going to be like and I think it's going to work really well with the music. I also have a remix for Kurtz in the pipeline so it's good to be busy with cool music stuff.

I came across this really beautiful image of Meena Kumari today. I was actually looking at photos of Nepalese Kumari and then this came up. She was a beautiful Bollywood actress and poet and died when she was just 39 as she was a severe alcoholic. She had deeply troubled relationships and died penniless in a hospital.

I looked up some of her poems, unfortunately very few are translated into English. I've posted what I could find below.

You ask me, How do I live?
Night goes in begging and Prayers fill my morning
O lord! Living is not only breathing
My heart senses no more pain and eyes hold no more tears
Breakable dreams pierce my sleepless eyes like thorns
I, mad lover, spend my nights in such a way
Sorrow is my enemy and yet my heart longs for sorrow
Whenever there is some happiness in my life

It begins but I see no avail, no end
Often I don’t see his presence in my life
When someone is deeply in love with someone
one may get bad name but does not go in oblivion
Why should not I collect with laugh, the pieces of my broken heart?
Afterall not everyone gets the reward

Moon is alone and sky is alone
My heart goes alone on the journey
Day has brought the light but the hope is lost
My existence trembles alone
Is this the life ,
Where body and soul walk separately?
Though I found companion during my journey
But we kept walking separately
Far away on other side of that dim light
I see a small, closed and confined heart
It will wait for me for ages
After I walk alone from this world.

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