GOOD NAME

The most perfect song I've heard whilst drinking a bottle of Jamesons in the back of a van with a load of Finnish boys.

good name – william onyeabor

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Neil Kinnock! I mean, Arthur Scargill! I mean....grrrrrr!

I have nothing to do with modern journalism and everything to do with literature...Except for this week that is; Loud & Quiet interview with Blue On Blue, i-D Magazine interview for The Birds & Nick Knight and an interview with The Independent about The George Tavern, jumble sales and the recession.

Official platforms to rant and rave...who would have thought.....I'm kicking myself for mentioning Neil Kinnock instead of Arthur Scargill in The Independent. BIG difference and hopefully they won't put that bit in. Those who know me will realise that this schoolgirl error has cost me a lifetime of lost sleep...Grrrrr.....

Stick to your guns...

The last 2 weeks have been INSANE.

The day I finally decided to speak to someone professionally about what I can only assume has been a life long depression I always thought I would grow out of, I received a call offering me my dream job. I was about to give up hope on EVERYTHING.

The very day my entire life savings ran dry, I received my first wages from my new job. It felt like something somewhere was meant to be happening. I haven't felt like that in such a long time. I know there'll be plenty more dark days ahead at some point but hopefully I'll read this back and remember that there was a time when I felt like I had been SAVED.

I also received a pretty strange request to play bass in a T4 presenters punk band while being financially renumerated £200 a day. YES, A FUCKING DAY. I was shocked and intrigued at how these dark media forces knew about me and was also pretty proud of myself for saying a big, fat, resolute NO.

HOWEVER...

Me being me and with the old cogs turning at 120 bpm a minute, I am now questioning whether I would have said no if this offer had come by 2 weeks ago when I was at my wits end both financially and mentally. Would I have been so low that an offer of a TV stint and a lot of money would have seemed like the right thing to do? It pains me to say it, but I honestly don't know. I would like to think that I would have turned it down but I felt so lost that maybe I would've thought it was my saving grace. Anyway, I suppose it's all rather hypothetical and going back to what I started saying, it felt like that universe was dancing and that my new job at The George Tavern was meant to be for me and not some shitty telly band career.

THANK GOD.

Thank God that I literally did not have to sell my soul to get funds to allow me to continue to be an artist through every means a true artist should not have to take. That would have been something I could never have lived with.

In an interview with Loud & Quiet today in which we were asked about the London music scene, I didn't sound off about pretentious east London bands but the fact that the severe lack of financial support and encouragement for musicians is crushing to any band wanting to take music seriously. My Scandinavian and French musician friends live very comfortably as musicians and the way we live like dogs scavaging scraps is so pitiful. I should not be made to feel like 'dole scum' purely because I choose to dedicate my life to creating something pure which may seem 'unconventional' to the conventional 9-5 masses.

Anyway, this was meant to be a positive post and now it's turned into some sort of a rant!

The future is bright, uncertain, cold, hot and suspicious of change.

People who do nothing with their lives and vicariously try and live through yours

Musicians find their release on stage.
Mere mortals try and find theirs on a Saturday night.
I pity them.
I pity you.

The Future

Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can fly again.

I'm finally taking flight....

My new home:



Y E S

Cheer up Goth

It's easy to moan and complain about everything that's not right in the world and in my life but I'm now taking concerted steps to rant about the good, happy things in my life.

I had the most splendid evening tonight. I was a litle apprehensive about how Decasia would go in a new venue but it was one of the best nights in a long time, especially after the chaos and drama that my last club night ended in - a huge bitter bar brawl and people being mugged at knifepoint. Surely things couldn't get any worse than that? Thankfully they didn't.

The music was pure and dirty rock n' roll on vinyl only. Roots music that was originally banned and considered to risque for the then youth of the day. It was fun to play such an old school set and people were really into it.

The highlight of tonight was friends old and new coming along to support. It meant a lot. I've been struggling quite a lot socially with frequent panic attacks and an unwanted sense of disdain and detachment towards just about everything and everyone. However tonight I felt reconnected and and recharged. Old friends like D and M who I've missed so greatly and Tim who is a guardian angel that pays me a visit every time I am feeling so terribly low and manages to cheer me up to such a great high. Seeing him tonight reminded me of where I was a year ago when we recorded with him. The week we spent recording with him gave me a real confidence and love for what I was doing again. Tim is a real star, a real musician and a genuine artist.

I feel humbled and so thankful to know such renowned, legendary artists. Thank you, thank you, thank you.........

Disappear

I WISH I COULD

Desert Baby

My first ever holiday...a trip to Egypt when I was less than a year old. I am the blue blob being carried by my mother in these photos. I think the dust settled inside my blood as I have been fascinated with the place for as long as I can remember. Egypt is the country I have visited most in the world.

I hope to go back this year or next.

My family on the Great Pyramid



It's only when you look at pictures like this that you realise how vast the architecture is and how fragile we humans are. How did they do it?